Star Wars!

It’s totally worth seeing.

It’s not a Star Wars movie, exactly. It’s more of a modern retelling, shot through with strong influences of broad-spectrum ’80’s adventure movie nostalgia–a love-child of Spielberg and Lucas with some Harry Potter and even a tiny bit of Lost sprinkled in.

There are some Indiana Jones moments, some Harry Potter moments, and some techno-design evolution (the storm troopers and their weapons look like Apple products, the new droid is a cross between R2D2 and WALL-E). The last scene could be replaced with little disruption with a similar scene from Lost between Desmond and Penelope–or, rather, Penelope’s daughter.

But, it’s super fun to watch. Lots of great tie-fighter vs. x-wing battles. But, also, some multi-dimensional characters and decent storytelling.

The manifestation of evil is literally (by which I mean, figuratively) a giant asshole. An asshole with the angriest, planet-killing hemorrhoids in the galaxy.

And the storm troopers are literally dickheads–their helmets, especially in back, are shaped like penises.

And Kylo Ren’s darth-ette helmet is part German army and part insufferable shoe gazer boy bob.

In any event, I seriously enjoyed it. It helped immensely that my companion is also a giant Stat Wars freak. And now I’m nerding out with my 1999-issue x-wing fighter, trying to remember why I have R5D4 instead of R2D2.